today, something happened that further supported my resolve to leave corporate
i hate being told what to do and i am now being told to come to office to welcome a new joiner. the last time someone joined my team, i met him once throughout his five days in singapore. he was fine; we are supposedly a remote-first company
for this new joiner in particular, he’s going to take over everything i’m doing so i initially planned to visit office for some of the days to catch up with him because i only have a month to hand it all over to him. but after an “order”, this is not going to happen. i’m on notice and frankly i’ve stopped giving a fuck
still though, there’s this part of me that gets worked up when it comes to handling conflict. logically i know i can’t and shouldn’t be bothered, but inside there’s this maybe parental-ptsd that “i should get along”
my palms get sweaty and my mind gets filled with anger at the trigger. if this were the medieval ages this would be a threat i would be ready to demolish even at the cost of some hp, but we are living in the world of corporate politics of 2026
maybe this is my isekai and i simply died unceremoniously in a previous world and got brought to a modern world that i wished about living in
anyway this is probably one of the things about my personality that i both love and hate. it’s useful when i’m around decent human beings, it’s less useful when i’m around assholes. my reality is collaborative and based on autonomy; and when someone else’s reality is based on control, manipulation, and smoke and mirrors, it really gets under my skin in a way that i tend to freeze up in abhorment of the person and situation
but well, the good news i tell myself is that everything comes through practice and exposure.
i say it (not in a cross-my-heart-genuinely-mean-it way, but) thank you for the practice and exposure. i will not let my peace be disturbed, not at this point